Boring, drab, lifeless, stale, dull, tedious, predictable, monotonous.
These are probably not the words you hoped you’d use when describing your relationship. If you do… help has arrived. If you don’t… read on, anyway, and help to ensure that you never do.
What words would you rather use to describe your relationship? Frugal, precise, productive, serious, busy?
While these can be characteristics of a strong, healthy relationship, they are not the sorts of words which make a relationship sound appealing. Unless you’re both accountants, in which case, you’re knockin’ on Heaven’s door.
What was it about the beginning of your relationship that made it so attractive, that made it so appealing to want to continue? What was it about your partner that made you want to spend time with them?
New couples usually spend a significant amount of time engaging in all manner of fun activities together, and spending quality time getting to know each other. Most people think they will keep that fun and spark in their relationship forever, but over time with all of the meetings, kids, household chores, long work hours, vehicle maintenance, grocery shopping, and everyday mundane challenges, taking time to really enjoy being together and have fun often takes a back seat to… life.
While taking the time to be playful in relationships can be enjoyable, playing as a couple is not only about having fun, but can serve many other functions.
Playing together increases bonding, communication, conflict resolution, and relationship satisfaction. Play can also promote spontaneity when life seems routine, serve as a reminder of positive relationship history, and promote intimacy.
Having fun together can help couples feel positive emotions, which can increase relationship satisfaction, help couples to unite in order to overcome differences and give hope when working through difficult challenges. Some studies have even found that having fun together is the most important factor in the sense of friendship, commitment, and the greatest influence on overall marital satisfaction.
So what does it mean to play? A broad definition of play that I happen to find appealing in this sense is: “[A]ny pleasurable use of discretionary time.”
What is pleasurable may, of course, vary from person to person and, indeed, from couple to couple — and even vary depending on the day, time, circumstances, weather, etc. Let’s assume, for the sake of argument (and the length of this post) that: Both members of the couple agree on the definition of “What’s pleasurable?”
Sometimes, you need to consciously (and with intention) set aside specific time and even money to indulge in what you consider fun. You might need to hire a babysitter, rent a nice car, book an AirBNB, buy tickets, purchase accoutrements — yada, yada, yada. My point is: DO IT ALL. Stop making excuses. If you both love playing pickleball, make some time for yourselves to go and play!! Don’t find reasons NOT to, don’t make excuses why you can’t. Go forth and fun.
Your fun doesn’t need to be elaborate or expensive, fattening or illegal. Too often people find reasons NOT to do something enjoyable, as though they’re punishing themselves and/or their partner by refusing to engage in play together.
The point of having fun together is that doing so strengthens your relationship, brings you closer both during AND after the fun activity has ended… it helps to cement your bonds, probably gets you to like each other a bit more, and best of all, fun together reminds you WHY you’re together in the first place.
I don’t want to give you some weird, AI-generated bulleted list of “Fun Ways to Keep the Pep in Your Partner’s Step.” I will say, though, that there are probably a thousand things which neither of you has every considered, but which you’d both find enjoyable if you tried them. Escape rooms, miniature golf, antiquing, long drive to a place that only serves a berjillion flavors of soft serve ice cream — SO many things.
Strengthen your bonds at every opportunity, so that when something negative intrudes upon your lives, you have the power to repel it together.